They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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