I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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