You can't motorboat a personality
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
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