if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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