so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
