i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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