I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
