We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
