I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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