I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
