Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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