atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
