last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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