theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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