I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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