i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
