How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I am spending my child support on dildos
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
