I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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