How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
