look no pants
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
