Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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