he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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