Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
