Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
