just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
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