Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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