i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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