He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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