Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
