If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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