I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
