My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
