I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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