i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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