Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
