I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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