I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
