my mouth tastes like poor choices
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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