im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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