so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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