Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
