please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Randomize
