apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
