i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
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