i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
