Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
