i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
