I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
