I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
