Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
