waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
