I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Bring me that man meat
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
