so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
