why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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