i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize