she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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