I want to stick my p in your. b.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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