You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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