Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
