my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
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You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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