i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
she peed on how many people?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
