This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
