I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
