i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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