do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
